How I forgot

How I forgot. 22/08/2018
I forgot. I genuinely forgot the thrill I used to get from singing at the top of my voice to my favorite song. Dancing around the living room while making breakfast with the music on. Laughing with my best friend last night about how we resemble pinky and the brain when it comes to assembling furniture in our new flat…dumb and dumber more like haha.
Its only day 4 into the re-feeding recovery plan but I have more energy then I have in years!
I had a coversation with two work colleagues yesterday in the kitchen. Usually I would be agitated and in a rush to get my food, eat and get out trying to discreatly make my two table spoons of oatmeal seem like a big pot as I overcooked it in water. Not being able to focus my brain on what they were discussing let alone laughing and genuinely enjoying the conversation. Yesterday was different. It was like I saw a glimse of my personality back again. I was cracking jokes, laughing (genuinely, no acts) and felt engaged with people again.
For so long I have been terrified of this process. If I start thinking too much…yes I just get scared again. Although as mentioned in previous blogs, it requires a LOT of food which takes time to start seeing physical changes. In this time building up to this, you will start to see benefits all around you mentally and in your relationships and day to day life.
I feel like there is a fight going on in my mind and body right now. Strange thing to say but this is how it feels. I have the real ME the happy, funny, spontaneous (my friends used to call me the crazy one haha) healthy, sexy angel on one shoulder and then I have the weak, skinny, un healthy, now my friends say I am not crazy like I used to be, anxious, anti-social sick devil on the other shoulder.
For years this has dominated me. Although now its begun, and I am already seeing benefits in my relationships, mind and personality, I am getting more motivation and is encouraging me to keep going. Now I am fighting back!


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