Although I have not finding myself write everyday (and only wrote yesterday) I thought today would be a good day to write and focus my mind.
Weigh in this morning 47.5KG. Up 2 KG this week which I was actually quite surprised since on the same calorie in take when i first started the ‘stage 1’ re-feeding plan, gained no weight! However, to me this seems like it may be the case that my body has done some repairs in those first weeks I needed to eat so much and now slightly more normal levels can help gaining as appose to extremes as what I thought last time.
Although, until today I have been feeling satisfied on a lower calorie amount and no signs of extreme hunger. Until today. I have eaten two chocolate muffins, 5 little croissants, 3 small cookies and a creme egg on top of the sandwich yogurt and fruit (breakfast) and noodle and tofu stir fry (lunch). However, my stomach does feel a little sensitive now and I know fat doesn’t go down well with my stomach so, probably best to keep it a bit lighter for the rest of the day. I didn’t feel hungry, just I felt the urge. So I let in to it.
My reason for writing this blog now and focusing my thoughts is to channel my positive energy after this. Previously when I would have occasions like this and think I was binging. Out of control. Lost it. Ruined everything…..I would let it dominate my next move. One of my goals in beating this is to realize that we ALL over eat sometimes. Hell, on Christmas day the WHOLE WORLD over eat! I think I read an estimation that on Christmas day people can eat around 5000 or even up to 10000 calories in one single day. Do they wake up the next morning ruined for life. A compulsive binge eater. With an eating disorder or obese. NO.
A big challenge for me is not letting food consume my feelings and make me feel bad after it. After all, this is what I want to gain weight no? So I am looking at it from a positive angle.
Eat until satisfied then forget.
If one day I feel I want to over eat a bit, treat myself or whatever. Do it! Then forget! :). Life is too short to keep saying no to what you want. I should think myself lucky that 95% of the time what I genuinely crave and makes me feel good inside and have more energy is healthy food. But a cake, pizza, extra chocolates once in a while will NOT MAKE YOU FAT. And it WILL NOT MAKE YOU LOOSE CONTROL!
I have proved this so many times now!
It is the voice of anorexia telling me this is loosing control. However, we all know this truth. This is living. This is reality. This is spontaneity.