Day 8 re-feeding

And today the extreme hunger has continued.

Wow. Today I have eaten. Although, physically i feel drained, pregnant, puffy and my skin is stinging slightly in the way it has when i previously used to have bulimia after big binges (possibly skin stretching due to water retention), I am trying to keep positive and not let these binges effect me negatively.

Yesterday I ate around 3500Kcals and I think today roughly between 4000-4500. Which consisted of LOTS of cookies, chocolate, crumpets from England, cereals, a tofu stir fry a couple of croissants, ham sandwich and some crackers with butter and serrano ham.

After these last two days, I am feeling a bit sick of sugar and hopefully my body will decide on some more healthy options tomorrow. But we will see.

Maybe all this fat craving is a way of my body telling me i need more fat!

I know for a long time I prioritized protein and only until this past year re-introduced a normal/high level of carbs again. But fat is still one thing I know my diet is not high in.

Although, I don’t like these episodes of binging and as they would do with anyone they do still cause me some stress (although no where near the worry or stress as they did in previous years). Therefore, I want to take a slightly different approach through the next few days/week of my recovery plan to see how I get on with a new approach.

3 well balanced meals. Breakfast lunch and dinner. 2-3 snacks when needed. To eat what I fancy and am craving and make a fully satisfying meal, not just what I think I should be having.

I noticed when binging today, that after i sat down properly to a full meal (despite already being full) I felt slightly more satisfied that the constant little snacks every half an hour or so.

-Eat real full meals.

-Eat the meal I am craving.

-Eat until satisfied.

-Keep the majority of food nutritious with good carbs, rice, pasta, potatoes etc (not just chocolates and sugar to make up the calories). However, when I fancy a bit of chocolate, cookies etc…have some!

-For the purpose of weight gain, stop avoiding calorie dense food so volume can cut down but calories remain high. Ie more fats, dried fruit, whole milk, less drinks.

-Stop worrying about challenges so much. Focus on this challenge, the ‘what do I WANT’ challenge not what I ”think I should” test, trial etc etc.

The amount of times I have said no to going for a nice meal, having a sweet treat that I quite fancied with my friends or avoiding a cocktail, to be replaced by a night i get home and all i want to do is sleep…to realize I didn’t reach the right amount of calories and now have to eat a load of food I really don’t fancy or have the appetite for. What is this??

I need to start enjoying food again and when I want it have it. When I don’t (other than for the purpose of weight gain) then don’t have it. My body should tell me this without me needed to control and restrict things.

I want to gain weight and get through this recovery but I still find myself making choices that I know are just making things harder for myself. Things such as watering down milk to reduce the calories, filling half my plate with salad and so on.

By doing this, the quantities of food I am eating are huge and yes anyone eating 2300kcals worth of watered down milk, salad and making up the difference in cookies will look pregnant. So why do I continue to do this and have a day my body wants to take back control and eat the entire contents of the kitchen.

So, lets see how this goes. No cut backs. Nutrition and enjoyment in mind. And not so pregnant looking….

We will see.


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