I am now re-changing my blog updates to ”Recovery” instead of ”Re-feeding”.
There are several reasons for this as I have noticed my thought processes change a lot over this process which I started back in August and now the term ”Re-feeding” doesn’t seem appropriate.
In-fact if I really think about it, 28 days is only the amount of time (second time around) I have been completely consistent with eating over 2000Kcals every day. It was only for a short 1 week period I dropped slightly below this which was my reason for feeling I was ”starting again”.
So, I wanted to today track how far I have come in the last 3 months mentally and physically to see if things are really changing and just as importantly, understand what areas I still need to overcome to get fully better.
Today I had my weekly weigh in. 48.1KG :). I was expecting a little more to be honest after the week I have had. quite a few treats through the week biscuits etc, heavy meals and a weekend of two parties for halloween with pizza (a lot of pizza) at the first party and the second a buffet I ordered (since I organise my departments events) of little paninis, sandwiches, wraps etc etc. Of course followed by a lot of alcohol..as always when my work company is involved haha.
Things I have felt the last week.
After the night of pizza, a lot of water weight and a bit of a bad stomach. I over did it a little bit but felt so happy that I could be part of it and be like everyone else in the company and stay after work to enjoy the fun.
The night of the party I organised, I was the last left standing. So much energy (because of all the food…alcohol helped too;)) which I am not used to! I used to love clubs but would always cut the night short because my energy would just burn out. I danced all night this night and thanks to the water weight of the night befores pizza (haha) I felt so much more womanly and had more self confidence than I have had in years!
I started riding my bike a couple of days back and too to work last week and loved it.
Today I had a big urge to lift some weights. I did some squatting, but made sure I ate well around the workout and didn’t go hungry as I would of in the past.
I am starting to feel more and more ”normal” each day. Like I know I am still skinny and I know I still have some way to go to be totally free of this. But obsession, panic, anxiety and need for 100% control are loosening every day.
I am starting to like more my body. The fact I can now even pinch a tiny bit on my stomach isn’t scaring me so much anymore. Its making me feel more womanly where as in the past this would terrify me.
My boobs are getting bigger! And I officially can say my bones that used to show through my chest are not/barely visible anymore. This is something I was sooo self conscious of and I would never wear low cut tops because of this. On the weekend I wore one and felt great!
Days are becoming more random. Some days I go out after work. Others I sleep more, others less. Some days I have a productive morning, shopping, cleaning or a bike ride. Others I lay on the sofa writing and studying. Some days I eat A LOT. Other days I eat less and am still satisfied. I am liking this variety!
Excited to say that I actually feel I will reach my goal 51 KG in January (Shopping spree! :)) and am so excited (where as in the past I would be scared) of the events I have coming up over the next few months to be dressing up! Nurias birthday in 3 weeks, the Christmas party in 4 weeks…excuses for new dresses :).
The majority of the time I am finding it easier to think more clearly and there is finally some space being free up in my mind to focus on other things other than food,weight and exercise.
Although, I am finding the being so sedentary aspect a little boring at times. Although I can tell my body is thanking me for it. But it also felt amazing on the bike the last week and I am so excited to see what my body can really do once its fully better and stronger and being fed what it needs to really perform.
But if I have realized something about fitness and being sedentary, its fine to be sporty some days and sedentary others. Even when I am able to fully start enjoying all the sport I love again, this should be as fun, because I want to, never because I NEED to because this process has proved, if I don’t want to, I don’t really need to. So a missed workout for enjoying time with friends on a spontaneous invitation isn’t something I should be refusing like I used to for prioritizing workouts.
On wards and upwards 🙂