So this weekend was a bit of a test for me. Since I went to England last time, around family, meals, social eating etc etc, i lost weight because the anxiety got too much and couldn’t fully enjoy their company because of this. This weekend, my parents came to BCN. How different this time was.
Every day we ate out, one night I cooked a big spanish style Christmas meal, one night at my friends for dinner. I ate all and enjoyed and listened to what I wanted and appetite.
Although, after 4 days of eating a lot…pretty much the same as my dad all through the weekend haha…i did weigh myself just out of curiosity, I gained half a kg (1llb) although I was stuffed. However, after a light meal last night, I did my normal monday weigh in and am exactly the same as last week 49.3KG. Yes we did a lot of walking and the meals in spain always have healthy options so thats what we ate, but the point is that thats my life. I choose good food naturally, although maybe not normally with this much fat or portions but…it was our holiday. So I need to start enjoying and trusting myself more that naturally…my body always does me good with choices anyway without me controlling it too much.
This has been a good lesson for me. That I can enjoy holiday times, treats, meals out and not worry much about what effects this will have on my worries, anxieties and body because lets face it…1 llb of water weight is nothing and with just a few days of normal eating, its gone away anyway! So what am I worrying so much about.
Me and my dad had so many nice chats and being with my mum and cuddles etc was finally at the front of my mind for a change over food. I finally felt proud to talk about sport with my dad since its a passion we both share. Usually talking about sport I would feel people are looking at me thinking….who are you to give advice, look at how skinny you are. But when I lifted a barbell that my dad struggled to and he told me how impressed at how strong I had become…this made me feel so happy :).
I am also lovinngggg the gym again. Making friends, practicing spanish and feel my self getting stronger each week. I am realizing again how fun sport is and the challenge of it. Not simply going through the motions before I pass out like I used to. Fueling my workouts to really enjoy it!
I am also finding I am recovering much quicker than before. After only 2 and a bit days or so I feel fine again. In the past I would over do it. Do far to much at the gym and eat far to little. Now I feel I am doing it right and can finally start to see some progression.
I set myself some new years resolutions the other day. To focus my mind. challenge other areas of my life that I feel can be improved and am excited for the challenges!
The consist of.
4 quite big challenges, but I feel I have come so far with this challenge, still have a little way to go but I finally feel I am 90% there! So I now feel….to the next challenge ;).