10th February 2019

I haven’t wrote for a while. So I think its time I wrote a little since I feel so much has happened in the last few months for the good and bad.

I don’t know whats happened but recently I feel almost back to square one and more anxious, trapped and like I don’t know how to get back out again and if this will ever be a non issue for me.

I have noticed since starting back at the gym, my focus about calories, controlling, protein intake etc has gone up again and my meals have become more rigid again.

My mood has been up and down lately and I put the initial spark of this down to stress and complications of a relationship that I am not sure what the situation is. I think thinking about this so much has made me loose focus of getting better and old habits are well and truly back.

However, I am not stressing quite as much if i don’t ”hit” the calorie target for the day and I am staying pretty consistent with listening to my body and through doing so I have managed to maintain my weight which I am happy about.

Current weight 49.4KG

2150Kcals gym days.

1850Kcals non gym days.

But I want to feel as care free as I did back at the end of summer and not have this anxiety and obsession anymore. It finally felt like I was able to focus on other things and now its back at the front of my mind as to macro nutrients, calories etc.

I don’t know what to do for the best. When I don’t do sport I feel like I don’t even want to eat anything and miss the high feeling sport gives me.

When I do do it, it feels I prioritize everything around it and the eating becomes more rigid and dominates things again.

I went for my first rollerblading lesson on saturday with Nuria and loved it. I had fun, practiced spanish since the lesson was in spanish of course and will definitely be going again. I want to get good for summer and have the confidence to go out practicing it alone a lot more. My balance is terrible haha which was the reason I wanted classes to help get me used to it.

I have also seen a volleyball club every saturday/sunday which I also want to try to see if i like it.

I am trying to think how I thought when I was a child to try and make things simpler. I did sport with my family for fun. I ate for enjoyment and because it was meal times. I didn’t weight train or workout. I just lived a normal happy, healthy, sporty life. This is what I want back.

So, I am going to try again.

Eating what I fancy.

Not counting macros but making meals balanced and healthy.

Snacks if I am hungry.

No set routines or prioritizing exercise.

Sport for fun and doing what I fancy ie rollerblading, dancing, running, walking, weight training, volleyball, yoga.

If I fancy a drink on the weekend…have it!

Prioritizing fun, balance and health. Not all about sport and calories!



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