Breaking up with Ed.

Today I am breaking up with Ed.
Breaking up with my eating disorder once and for all.
Not weighing myself for the past weeks has given me so much freedom.
Not tracking calories has freed up space in my mind for friends, work and fun.
Not counting macros has let me follow my cravings and every day I have eaten different meals, snacks and have looked forward to my meals.
Not doing weight training has freed up time in the mornings to be productive with other things.
Not worrying about protein intake to recover from excessive exersize has allowed me to fill up on foods that give me energy instead.
Not doing my ”rituals” around food of set ways has relieved stress and anxiety about what people think of my eating/drinking habbits and I have felt less self concious.
Not doing all of these things that I have done through habbit for so long has made me feel a step closer to feeling normal.
However, yesterday I had a binge day, again. I find this happens when in days before my calories get too low so I need to work on being more consistent with eating enough every day to prevent this.
Also, I have been ill lately and not sleeping well because of how ill I have been and this has caused me to have low energy and not want to go out much and when I feel like this sometimes I eat if I am bored and also have had time before not eating much. Its like my body knows its the opportunity to get me to eat a lot that I know it still needs.
However, despite the physical discomfort, I say it again that I don’t have as much emotional stress from the binges as i did in the past. Probably because they usually only last a day. Who knows if they lasted longer i may feel different.
All I know for sure is that I accept it. Now I do. That I need and want to gain weight. I have my thoughts focussed on my life, fun, experiences, work, friends, family, my period and living while I am young.
So, I am going to continue not weighing myself. I think once every 2-3 weeks is enough because I need to make sure I am not loosing/at least mainating because sometimes I loose it when I just go happy care free and eat what i want.
I am going to continue not working out and just do sport that I fancy when I fancy.
-Don’t be scared anymore.
-Embrace womanly curves and the gift you are given as a woman to have a period to create children.
-Treat your body well. Give it what it needs and cherish it. You only have oneso stop fighting against it and punishing it.

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