So this last week I set myself the challenge to combat my biggest fear food…cake. Everyday I have baked cakes, starting with pancakes, then little carrot cakes, scone/vanilla cakes etc. All made with spelt flour, avocado, stevia etc, so healthy but tasted no different to normal cake. I now have 5 in the fridge for me and friends later.
At the start of this week, the thought of making 5 would terrify me because i would worry about a binge purge cycle being brought on by the overwhelming fear and probably would of thrown them all out not to risk it. But, they have now been say in the fridge since yesterday and I have no fear. I am even feeling slightly bored of them haha.
On two of the days I also have a slice o gabbys brownie that wasnt healthy made haha.
I am feeling so happy with this progress that next plan to challenge myself with shop bought cakes.
Challenge next week.
3 shop bought cakes.
1 for breakfast.
1 for snack.
1 for an for after meal desert at the weekend.
I will also be doing the pizza at night challenge tonight. I have some pizza bases and will make my own normal sized full pizza :). I have overcome the fear of pizza a while ago but still the thought of eating it at night (spanish dinner time 10.30pm) scares me because of the fat and calories. Its a favorite spanish night time saturday dinner and I want to be able to do this. So tonight is the night for this :).
I also plan to do the cocktail challenge later today with Manuella. This one really scares me because I see it as empty calories and all sugar. But I will do it.
My therapist keeps reminding me…stop living in ”what if, this will happen, what if I get fat, what if i loose control, what if i feel bad” and just see what ACTUALLY happens.
So far after all of these challenges, I have not got fat (i actually lost weight!), I have not felt bad, only in the time before eating eat with the thoughts and anxiety in my head, I have not lost control. So now its time to see what actually happens.
2nd day since my declaration has been written and so I have stuck to what I promised. However, last night was also a bit challenging and something different. We had a big issue at work so I left an hour later than normal. For this reason I had to improvise and ended up having two small sandwiches at 10.30 at work from the breakfast buffet as my dinner, then at home some yogurt and a cookie. I knew i needed to make up to the calorie target I have promised myself and my therapist so feelings aside I ate it. And strangely enough I still woke u super hungry or pancakes haha. There was the initial thoughts of…just wait don’t eat now etc. But I told my mind no…we have a dilemma at work and i need to think straight and not on food and lack of energy. So with the mindset of food is fuel I had the sandwiches and distracted myself after. I didn’t even feel very bad…so I am happy :).
Feeling positive and optimistic 🙂