Weight today 47.5kg.
Although my weight gain doesn’t seem to be progressing much…my consistency in eating, trying more things, worrying less, focusing on work and friends and my mental clarity is progressing immensely.
I have been using an app that my psychologist registered me on called recovery record. We are connected through this app and I need to log all meals, snacks, feelings, etc and she also send messages and targets/challenges for me thoughout the week.
I am finding this helpful and I know I always have her support.
I am still having days where i feel anxious, don’t sleep or worry. Although this is becoming more rare. Often the days I feel down now are because I haven’t slept and not for worrying about food as much as I used to.
I set myself a commitment 2 weeks ago and have more or less stuck to this.
I have aimed for a minimum of 2000 a day regardless of hunger and out of 14 days, I have achieved this around 10 of the days. the others around 1900.However, I see this as a step forward since the whole time while doing this I have not exercised, not walked excessively and to go from eating much lower than this and excessively exercising to becoming sedentary (other than with the odd few walks when I need to get things done or to work) and eating more, the fact my weigh is not really increasing is a sign that my body has needed so much more than I was giving it and this is now becoming clear.
I am learning to listen more to hunger signals. Since my stomach often never sends these signals nowadays (likely because I was ignoring it for years it switched to other methods). I noticed that my key hunger signs are anxiety, irritability, brain fog, headaches and rushes of adrenaline.
The next challenges to face.
Starting yesterday I had a crossiant for a snack (small packet one) and will be doing every day this week.
I managed to over come the fear of cakes, although this still needs a little more work with shop bought cakes. But little crossiants in big packs still scare me because I think they will start of a binge.
So this week 1 little crossiant every day for snack and 1 for a breakfast one day and see how it goes from there.
The next thing will be eating outside and going to events after work. I always aoided these when I wanted to go because of the dinner situation.
This week I plan to go on monday to an event that my friend organises. Its 9PM-1AM so right over dinner time :/. But there are lots of food shops around so ill NEED to improvise. I need to be able to be more flexible and grab food out if i want to be spontaneous and do what i want.
Tonight i will go another event after work and have made a sandwich and taken some snack with me. I am getting more comfortable with doing this (eating outside the house my own food) so the next step is to start buying.
I will then test the same thing on thursday at another event I plan to go to.
I have also been focussing so much at work recently and its making me feel great.
This is my new focus and I am trying not to let me eating disorder hold me back from showing my potential at work.
My top priorities for now.
Doing the best at my job.
Meeting new people, attending meetup events at least once-twice every week.
Rollerblade classes 2 per month.
Dedicate 2 hours a week to spanish study.
Picking 1 fear food every week to have multiple times.