Today i weighed myself. I hate doing this now and would rather cut it out all together. 47.4kg. My therapist has insisted that I do it once a week to ensure I am not loosing weight…which is what happened when i went 3 weeks not weighing myself. My I add..an amazing 3 weeks without worry, distorted thoughts, stressing over calories and just ”living the life i want to live”.
Although, a lot of this weight loss and my belief in thinking I am actually living the life I want to live I think has come based on the feeling or what is ”normal” for me now. Its ”normal” for me to always feel a bit hungry, rush around busy all the time, eat portions smaller than others or bigger portions but with very low calorie foods.
I am not a sedentary person and nor do i want to be. I have consistently had 2000kcals every day for the last 3 weeks and my weight has remained the same.
How much more proof does my eating disorder need that I will never be fat eating this amount. In fact, once I am able to do the things I want to do again such as starting dance classes, sport if i want etc then I will need much more. This is for me being sedentary, just living my life what I need to do, walk to work, see friends, shopping, some nights out etc.
So, increasing again today min 2100kcals on sedentary work days. Weekends, I am planning to put more effort in to REALLY living the life i want to live to do as Krysta (my therapist) keeps saying. Stop worrying what may happen…and see what ACTUALLY happens.
Challenges achieved this week.
Takeaway large slice of pizza out at night. Was hungry and having fun and thought this is my chance not to cut the good night short to go home for dinner at 11pm. So at 11 me and a friend went a pizza shop 🙂 it had sooo much cheese but i knew i was hungry and had it and felt great for doing this.
a croissant around 4 days (1 small one a day) this week. Not quite the full challenge of one every day, but i actually fancied other things but its a step. Slightly less anxious about them but still there so need keep repeating this one.
Ice cream twice for desert at night. Lower calorie ice cream so next will need to try normal.
Pizza for dinner at night another day.