Today is the day.
What has my life become. A past obsession masked for so long has now taken a different form yet its ability to control and cause disruption in my life is as present and powerful as ever. This issue is not gone, it has merely evolved.
Yet now I am left with the shell of who I once was. Each day carefully planned with no room for spontaneity. Putting this obsession before opportunities, friends, fun and the ability to evolve myself.
This is the day. The day I say enough is enough. I will not let this control me any longer. All past routines of strategically calorie counting, starving myself through periods to compensate for what ”may” be on the plate later.
This is the day I become normal. Enjoy the simple things in life. Stop worrying. Stop perfect routines and perfect scenarios. Life is not prfect, its random, that is the beauty.
This is the day I become a woman again. Regain my natural womanly curves and dispose of this muscular, bony freak I have become.
This is the day I become fertile again and regain my periods. For a woman to be told you can never have children because of an obsession that continued for too long and brought nothing but misery would be life shattering. I am not going to be that woman.
This is the day I go shopping and try on a killer dress in the changing rooms and can’t wait to get to the club to show it off. Dancing and laughing with my closest friends with not a care in the world.
This is the day I continue each day forward not checking my body repetitively throughout the day in the worry that ive gained fat. Fat is essential to live and function normally, without gaining fat I will continue on this spiral downhill becoming weaker and weaker as my body continues to eat the little bits of muscle it has left just to function throughout the day.
This is the day I start treating my body and mind how it deserves. I am punishing myself, and for what? Today is the day I start to love myself, feed my body an mind with the nutrition it so desperately craves to live, laugh, develop grow stronger and live up to its full potential.
If I don’t make this change, things will never change. I will not feel sexy again, have children, feel comfortable with a man, dance with the confidence an strength I used to, experience as much as I could or clear my mind and relax.
Without making this the day things change, my full potential will never be met.
Today is the day. No going back.